This is not what I planned to post ... that'll have to wait until the next one
I have a little list, a list of songs for my funeral. Actually the list is not that little, and there are probably too many songs to practically use. One of my favourites for the reception is the Moody Blues song "Nice to be here" which among it's delightful lyrics includes the refrain "I can see them they can't see me, I feel out of sight. I can see them they can't see me, much to my delight". Although by then I suspect I'll have more interesting things to look at than the guests. However, I hope they'll be having fun. Some of the songs on my list are about the (hopefully good) memories of knowing a person. But more of them are about going home - that's a yearning I've lived with since childhood - I've always felt that my lived experience has been less than what I was created to be, that I fall short of the intention of my life. The video at the top captures the emotion of this yearning - I'm really looking forward to going home. I heard this morning that the father of a friend died last night. I seem to be at that stage where many of my friends are experiencing the death of those close to them. Inevitably this opens the door to the questions "what does this all mean?", "what is death?", and "how do I talk about it?". I have one friend who has nightmares about dying, other friends do their best not to think about their death, and there are some some who accept it with varied emotions ranging from sadness to expectation - the latter are few in number. Personally, when I think of or speak of my death, I feel a quickening in my gut, an actual physical response to my thoughts. Its an inner agreement of mind and body that is very much like the feelings I experience when I take off in a hangglider, tighten the sails on my dingy, jump off a boulder into a mountain pool far below, embark on an ambitions project, or take a decision where the outcome is uncertain. (Listen to the bit in the video from 1:05 to 1:20 ... do you hear the growing anticipation in the music ... almost like it takes too long to resolve ... marking time ... making you wait for the outcome ... that's life for me!) Its the exciting anticipation of an adventure, of escaping from this inverted normality, of finally becoming what I was made to be, and at home. I wonder how others feel about their death; people don't often want to talk about it.
1 Comment
R4space
21/11/2016 03:43:06 pm
"I wonder how others feel about their death; people don't often want to talk about it."
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Probably the best therapy is to express yourself. Why do you think psychiatrists make you lie on the couch and talk, while all they do is murmur "hmmm", "uhuh", or "go on"? Archives
May 2017
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