This morning I woke in a moment of doubt ...
Let me give some background. My church-flavored school education almost made me an atheist. We had twice-weekly religion classes and daily chapel that made me bored as hell (which is such a wonderfully layered saying). In fact, the only time I can remember cheating in school was during a religious studies exam. I wonder if my parents ever knew what they did by sending me there (apart from "building character", fagging, being caned, and acquiring the nickname "vampire"). The scars still catch me unawares. But the positive side is that this almost single-handedly led to me trying to understand if God is reason-able. This morning I woke in a moment of doubt -- it was during that early morning consciousness when reality is still fuzzy. What if God doesn't exist? What if all those atheists are right? Not a nice way to start a Tuesday. Fortunately the parrot interrupted me and said "good morning", then the dog put a paw in my stomach, and reality reasserted itself. As I do whenever these moments occur, a quick re-examination was in order to see who I was. Stretching the arms, torso and legs quickly confirmed I was no longer 21 years old, but still functioning adequately thank you very much. Mentally I ran through the rationale for why I believe there is a God, that God is knowable (in part), and what that says about me. This was followed by a brief recollection of my life experience of God -- that "me-story" of events that no reasoning can deny, but which requires a rational explanation -- and then I was ready to share my toast with the household animals. What's your story? I really, really like to hear people's stories and how they have reasoned to their current position of (un)belief. I can't question your story, like you can't question mine. But I'm fascinated by how you make sense of it all (and I'm saddened by those who have not examined their lives). Anyway, back to where I started. That school experience turned me into a voracious reader, and my bookshelf today is still a treasured collection. During that time I read beyond my years, I read things I probably should not have, and I still re-read to re-examine my understanding. Of my books from that period, standing head and shoulders above all others in their influence are GK Chesterton's "Orthodoxy" and "Heretics" ... a mix of imaginative and practical logic. CS Lewis follows closely, especially "Till we have faces", "Pilgrim's regress", "Religion and Rocketry", "Fern-Seed and Elephants", "That Hideous Strength", and the final of the Narnia series "The Last Battle". Then more recently there's Kreeft with his Socratic dialogues, William Lane Craig, and many, many more. Almost as important are the fantasy literature, from Aesop's Fables and Tolkien and all the way through to Terry Pratchett. As Mark Twain says, "It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense." I learned much from this genre about reason. Pratchett, writing as an atheist, has one of the most insightful minds on human experience, buried in the most hilarious fantasy. Unfortunately for one of us, he and I have (for now) come to different conclusions on the meaning of life (and it's not 42). So what's the point of this post? I don't really know. Perhaps it is to say "read and think", or "have you examined your life today". Maybe I want to say "Go wrap a cold towel around your head and see if you can explain your experience of being alive". Perhaps I merely want to write.
4 Comments
Your wife
7/8/2013 04:08:55 am
How do I make sense of GOD in my life? Since asking in prayer to be born again when I was 13 I've learnt the most valuable time spent is time spent in God's company. Through time, through experience, I have learnt that God is faithful. I know God is faithful because He is faithful to me. I think on His provision down through the years...when my salary took 3 months to come through as newly weds and my grandmother's inheritance came through, when we got stranded on a Greek Island and yet got home, when our 5yr old daughter needed brain surgery and we still have her with us today loving and serving Christ with a loving husband. On and on I could go. God shows Himself faithful to those who look to Him. :)
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What you have written reminds me of myself a couple of years ago. I had also asked these questions, and off-course, I had also asked the question of why no one else was asking themselves the same question. We must all find this answer for ourselves, and I believe that we will all find this answer when we actively pursue God - when we step out of our worlds, to go out, and to see if He's really there. I did this and I did find God. It's amazing. I'll add my testimony so you can read where I'm coming from. I hope it answers some questions, or at least directs someone in the right direction on how to practically find God.
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