(What movies would you take Jesus to this holiday?)
One of my favourite movies is "Un divan à New York", otherwise known as "A couch in New York" (see my comment under "Why" in the sidebar - and here is the imdb link). The movie has one of my favourite actresses, Juliette Binoche as the true heroine who brings solution to confusion. To be fair, my daughter can't see any value to this movie, but I love it's quirkiness and off beat approach. The characters reflect a mix of personalities; some with mental health issues, others who are simply societally challenged. There's a reason why I think this makes a good Christmas movie: for many people Christmas is a time of relational stress, and through the season they survive by morphing putty-like faces through a range of (what they think are) appropriate responses - from holding a fixed smile to a stoic frown and everything in-between. In the movie Juliette Binoche's character is a free-spirited woman who challenges the full spectrum of these façades. She does this with three qualities that give her the unique ability to rise above the stresses and strains inevitably encountered in all RomCom movies, as is the case in daily life, and especially so at Christmas. In order of priority: 1. Listening. In the movie this goes as "Uhuh, hmmm" (You need to see the movie to understand the comedy of this). Listening goes beyond detecting noise, and is really about encouraging others to talk in order to comprehend the thoughts behind the words. This takes (a) time, (b) a willingness to quiet one's own mind, and (c) being able to resist the temptation to interject with (inevitably) a premature response rooted in preconceived notions and prejudice. Today's fast talking world has largely lost the art of listening. Watch Juliette Binoche and see listening in action. Then try it on your family. 2. Feeling. Let me ask a question: How often does someone else's talking actually move your emotions? In this i-life of i-pads and i-phone and i-everything we have all (to some degree or other) developed a numbness to what we see and hear, and so our journey through life goes largely unmoved by the trials of others. In some ways it's understandable since there is so much hurt around us. Yet that doesn't excuse our numbness to other peoples issues. We like to think our issues are paramount: they're not. Re-learning the art of compassion (and I don't mean Disney-movie feel-good Bambi tears) is something we could all benefit from this Christmas. 3. Expressing. I'm hesitant to include this in the "Three ways to survive Christmas" in case I am misunderstood. Too often when we say "express yourself" that's taken to mean talking. But more often than not, do you realize what you're doing? You're engaging in a power relationship, seeking advantage, playing the game of "I'm ok, I'm at least as good as you, maybe even a little better than you". And of course when everyone is doing the same thing, we all end up as casualties in a war for advantage (yet paradoxically, it is the one who talks least and listens most who has the actual power). When I say expressing, I really mean giving expression to what's inside you - those things you're normally too scared to show. Bottling stuff inside only causes it to ferment and ultimately explode. Its messy when people explode. Valuable expression relieves the pressure and is hugely helpful: it helps bound our imagination by reality; limits our irrational fears; shares burdens and halves the load; enhances mutual understanding; and gives perspective. Such expression does not even have to be verbal - in fact often its best to be non-verbal. You can write it, draw it, make it, dance it. But however you do do it, do it. Listen with thinking, feel with compassion, express those twisted thoughts of internal contradiction and cast them out into a world of actuality where we can see, respond, and relate. A couch in New York; medication for family relations. And I think Jesus would enjoy it.
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Why?
Probably the best therapy is to express yourself. Why do you think psychiatrists make you lie on the couch and talk, while all they do is murmur "hmmm", "uhuh", or "go on"? Archives
May 2017
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